Bindu Wiles asked me to be a contributing writer as part of The Shed Project, an effort in cleansing your life and living minimally, to say the least. Having packed one bag to travel the world for over one year, and later moving from NYC to Paris, I have learned to let go and the journey that comes with it. (Thank you Bindu! And good luck to fellow Shedventurers.)
The Journey of Letting Go
I always found great comfort in my stuff, even as a child. Things that remind me of a person or a place. Things that, to me, hold emotional value. Notes, ticket stubs, a drawing on a napkin, a love letter scribbled in haste, a valentine’s day card from my father. I think of these as sacred pieces of a puzzle that compose my life.
As I got older I became more selective with my mementos. Living in close quarters in NYC played a major role. As did the accumulation of stuff. Closets filled with fabrics for clothes I never had the time to make and store bought clothes I never had the occasion to wear. Shelves filled with books I had not yet read but surely would one day. And all the hidden spaces containing mementos I had collected throughout the years.
I often thought if I had to evacute my apartment in an emergency what would I take? Surely my 7 photo albums and 11 hand-written journals. And that huge box of memories I’d been saving since the 8th grade. These were all pieces of my past. But how was I supposed to grow and become by holding on to them? And weren’t they all part of me anyway, even without their physical presence? Thankfully, I never had to flee my apartment.
As the years went by, I began to feel more encumbered by my stuff. Yet I could not let go of it. I had very skillfully attached sentimental value to each and every item. I remembered the moment I bought it, or who had given it to me and for what occasion.
I felt weighed down by my possessions and dreamt of feeling light and unencumbered. This was one of my motivations for throwing away a quarter of my belongings, packing a bag and hitting the open road. One year of travel taught me just how little you really need. And how empowering is the detachment from stuff. I was reminded again and again how much more important people and places are, and space in which to create new memories.
Post travels I returned to NYC and was reunited with my stuff. The two thirds that remained. Was I happy to see it all again? Not really. I hadn’t missed it and not once did I feel like traveling back into my history to dig out a past memory. I had created too many new ones.
The greatest lesson in letting go of stuff came when I fell in love. I was moving to Paris to begin a new life. Again, it was time to pack, not simply for one year but quite possibly, forever. I was forced to open each box of memories I had been saving, even those momentos from my travels, to revisit my life and for the most part, let it go.
I sorted through the bulk of my possessions, mostly clothes and books, with a trusted friend. Someone emotionally detached from my past. Two-thirds of my wardrobe ended up in a mountainous heap on the floor, ready for the taking. I could not bare to throw these once relevant pieces of my life away. Instead, I gave them to friends, neighbors and those in need, free to create memories of their own.
In terms of my most personal stuff, many long nights were spent living in the past, confronting chapters of my life I had not thought about in years. Filled with nostalgia, I reflecting on the life I had created and all the momentos that were left as a result. I very carefully selected keepsakes and placed them in a box titled ‘my past’. Well aware that irrelevant of what I discarded or stored, these memories will always remain a part of my life. This process of letting go of so many chapters of my personal history resulted in a feeling of freedom I had only briefly encountered during my travels.
A few of my most revered remembrances, the scrap book composed from my travels, my most recent journal, an envelope of childhood photos, I put aside. They would join me in Paris.
I left NYC with two suitcases, and never looked back.
“The best things in life aren’t things” is one of my favorite mottos. I try to live by it as much as possible but I fear I fail miserably. However moving countries will bring you to the realization that if you live just fine without it, it probably was never all that important or crucial to your happiness. Leaving with only two suitcases means you get to start clean – you create new memories and collect things that DO have value and RELEVANCE for your new environment. But that doesn’t mean you forget the letters and cards and gifts that once made you happy.
Beautiful Kasia!
Great quote Lindsey! It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the acquisition of ‘things’ while it’s the experiences that provide us with the most fulfillment and memories. It’s easy to forget how little is actually necessary for ‘happiness’ (yet how much we often tend to hold on to) and sometimes stepping away from it all is the best reminder.
nice sentiment…it’s funny how hard it seems to let go of ‘stuff’ but how easy and freeing it can be once done. Good for you!
heading back to my ‘stuff’ in november after a year and a half will be interesting. im sure most of it will be pared down massively, even after i got rid of the majority of it before i left… letting go of ‘things’ allows the universe to bring more into your world.
BIGGER, SIMPLER LIFE.
mwah!
Good luck with the reunion of your ‘stuff’! May you part with it well and enjoy the space and freedom of a new chapter.
Wow, I admire you for being able to move to Paris with only two suitcases. I have way too many clothes, shoes and handbags that I probably should “let go” of, but I am not there yet. I am sure it’s an empowering feeling to be so light and not weighed done by all the stuff. Thanks for posting.
Beautifully-written, Kasia. I especially like this post for it precisely mirrors my own story, two suitcases and everything, except I had had the stuff of two past marriages and the household stuff that had accumulated from those families and the keepsakes of two kids to go through as well (just blatantly one-upping you there *giggle* 😉 — but seriously, no matter if you are going through the stuff of one person or four, it is all very much this process you write about, and whether for one person or four still just as complicated). Like you, I felt *so* mired down by all of it, it was actually a huge relief to let it all go. I have one teeny tiny storage unit in Denver with the photo albums and a couple of boxes of books, some CDs, and some other weird stuff I hung on to (cookie cutters? I don’t know why I saved them…). But that’s about it, and I wonder, once I go back one of these years to sort things through, how much of what is left will just be let go of as well.
I know for me, now that I have gone through this purging, I am so much more conscious of what I buy and what I choose to hang on to (like the mementos you write about). I am not nearly as greedy nor as much of a pack rat. It’s as though I have passed some kind of gauntlet in letting go and now am sensitive to accumulating too much. I write that, but also think about the four journals I have already filled, the little box of used Métro tickets I keep for no good reason, and my Eiffel Tower snow globe… *sigh* maybe I am not as successful as I think I am. Still, I know I am now aware. There may come a day when I have to purge all that I have here, too. From this weird journey I am on, I now know it is possible, and that life may once again ask me to let go some more.
Wonderful stuff, Kasia. Thanks.
Thanks Karin! Seems like quite a journey you are on too. Cute about your metro ticket collection!! In the end it’s all about memories comprising moments.
As others have said, this is really beautifully written. I love the idea of putting select memories in a box and labeling it so clearly “my past” in order to free you up for “your future”. You are such an inspiration my friend! xoo jenn
it has been said that people who hoarde stuff, or need it around all of the time….keep it….the stuff that is ….as evidence to a life well led. i love the shed project and although not entirely ready to lighten my load i am certainly inspired by the potentiality of new found freedom with enough evidence of this life…in my heart, and in the lines in my face, and in my soul. i love this blog and will be back….i wish you all good things….judy
Thank you Judy! I don’t think it’s necessary to ‘shed’ too much as indeed some ‘stuff’ is evidence to a life well and interestingly led. (For me this stuff has mostly become art collected during my travels, photos, and random personal sentimentalities.) It’s more a matter of understanding the value of our possessions and not allowing them to define us but rather to enrich us.
I love shedding things like a winter coat, giving away possessions…
But why do I find that an excuse to immediately refill the empty space?
horror vacui…
I will try to do it without the refills.
merci
carolg
There naturally comes a feeling of fear with emptiness, try to find the feeling of freedom to replace it. Though I often tend to do the same, it’s a challenge!
This is beautiful Kash! I feel the same exact way about giving up possessions, letting go of things, stuff. I went through the same “letting go” when I crossed the ocean for a man and a new life in America. For me, letting stuff go is always relieving. But letting people go… that’s a very tough one. But people never really go away, even when it happens physically. Thank God, we are always connected (without technology). We’re much smarter and intuitive than that. Love. Em
Thanks Em. I knew you would appreciate these thoughts. Letting go of people is a whole other discussion. People are much harder to part with than places and things. Those that really matter to us stay with us forever, regardless. And new ones come in time…
Growing up a military brat there was a limit to the amount of stuff my parents would allow me and my sister to have. Moving every 2-3 years dictated that. So I am not sure it was my early moving experiences or my personality in general, but I have never been big on stuff. I have a very minimalist approach. But….my husband does not and it drives me insane. When we moved back from France my husband filled half a garage with stuff he had had for years and years. After a year when we bought our house I put my foot down and we went through his things and got rid of 2/3 of it. Things like snow shoes from his French Mountain Troop years when he was in his twenties – yikes! Afterward he thanked me saying he felt a sense of relief. From time to time he starts collecting stuff buying extra of this or that and I have to “correct” him 😉
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